Going Down!

 What happens when you fall?

You can fall from grace. You can fall off the wagon. You can literally fall off a horse, bike, or cliff. (You choose) No matter figuratively or realistically, it involves a demeaning, sometimes catastrophic moment in your life that could affect you physically over a long or short time, or mentally leaving your with fearful scars preventing you from going through life in a carefree manner not wanting a repeat of said injury. 

What I find most interesting is the time involved between the moment of realization and impact. From the outside looking in, it seems quick. You blink and a person who is standing is suddenly gone from view and lying instead supine on the ground. “It happened so quickly” is often the response. But is it quick? 

The thoughts that go through your mind during the actual occurrence leads me to think otherwise. Or is it quantum leap science at work? In those very quick moments, it is as if you have left your body for a different realm while the vessel left behind is under assault by said action. Why do I say this, you ask? Well, it is because the amount of thoughts that go through your mind do not match the amount of time it takes to fall. Normally, my ever so “growing sluggish” menopausal mind cannot even remember what I walked in a room for, but in the seconds that it takes to hit the ground, I have an entire litany of questions and hypothetical situations occur, some with actually cause and effect responses like the time I fell on the ski slope and went down while thinking how I promise to never put on skis again if I can get up without a broken bone once I hit the icy slop.

In today’s fall, my thought process went like this:

“OH F#6K!” (Please excuse the explicative.) I am going to fall! Is there anything I can grab to stop it? No, (thankfully because I would have ripped my arm out of my socket trying)! I guess it’s going to happen. Dammit! I can’t believe I’m going to fall again. I said I would be more careful. I wonder how hard I will hit? Will I slam my already bad back? I wonder if I will slam my head on the concrete. I wonder if I will pass out and if my husband will notice me out here behind this hottub. I should have known better than to drag this stupid massive golf practice mat while walking backwards. Oh there it is; I made contact. I actually hit with my butt first, and it cushioned my fall. Great, I am curved and I practically feel myself slowly lowering vertebrae by vertebrae to the ground. Yay, I will be able to keep my head off of the ground! Phew!

Then of course there are the afterthoughts… all still occurring within the same ten seconds.

Ugh! It was these oversized Crocs. Why would I walk backwards in one size too big shoes with no strap on? What was I thinking? Oh no, wait, I was wrong; it was the patio. I think I tripped over the curved section with the exposed metal rim. I couldn’t see it because of this rug. I wonder if I am hurt. Hmm. No, not yet, but I bet I will feel it tomorrow. The last time my back didn’t lock up until the third day. I wonder how long it will last? Will I need pain pills or muscle relaxants? 

These thoughts which all start in the ether realm, become more real time as I slowly start to move while taking stock doing body part by body part assessments for pain. 

Once again, I ask how in the world did I have all those thoughts in a few seconds with my geriatric mind. It had to be a quantum leap of protection. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Safe Space

 As I was stripping the hallway walls of the book report posters and enjoying the momentary respite before the bell would call the wild denizen out to run free for five minutes, my mind began to wander about the upcoming year. Everyone is always so hopeful that the next new crop will be good kids. They will complete their work on time. They will be inquisitive and will love math and reading. My books will disappear off my shelf because they sneak them out to read, and keep them by their bedside for the whole year, not because they lose them at the the bottom of their locker eventually tossing them into the lost and found as though my name were not on it. They will be quiet and stay in their seats and not need to go to the water fountain, bathroom, or locker every few minutes to escape. 

This made me think about our loud student. The one we all know even though we don't have her in our own class. It dawned on me that she will not have an audience. How will she get the attention she needs? Then I thought about the bully. I wonder who will be protecting him from his bullies -- the ones who taught him how to pick on others. I thought about my little friend who, when given free time, hunts me down and corners me to show me his art, or computer program, or story that he wrote instead of playing with the other children. Who will be there for him to share?  There's my genius chess player, who loves to shout and make funny noises to make people laugh. Will he be all alone studying all summer? Lastly there is my negative Nancy. A glass half empty person, her every response to "how was your weekend" was always "Terrible." All she does is complain about having to take care of her sisters by making breakfast before school and dinner after school. Will she now be their all day caregiver, cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner without anytime for herself nor anyone her age to play with. 

As happy as I am for school to end to get away from all the ones that were problematic, I am in reality worried about them as each and every behavior good or bad comes from home first, and I pray they have peace until they can get back to this safe space called school.

Lunch Date

 

I lunched with a wasp

I, a green salad and he a 

green caterpiller

A Prelude to Blueberries

 

tiny white petals

honey sweet scent fill the air

blackberry prelude